At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
