either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
