She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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