After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
