Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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