No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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