I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
