so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
