i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
