that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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