I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
