I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
