lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
