PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
