Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
