i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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