your thong is hanging out like whoa
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
