I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
