shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
