ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
