I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
