You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
