i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
