i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
