omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
