I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My vagina is officially offended.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize