I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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