i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
