Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
