i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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