Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
