Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize