My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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