Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
