You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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