I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
