Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
