take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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