I love black thongs
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
