using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
