Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
