Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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