woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
