But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
