I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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