I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
