I hate your face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
