i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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