is your mom at the bar?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize