So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
