some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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