yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
