at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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