Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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