Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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