In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize