i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
