are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
