i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
