I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
