overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
