u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
