Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
