Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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