1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
