he thought i was a dude.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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