he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to make out with him forever
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
