Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
