and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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