when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
