Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
