i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize