Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
