I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
