I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
