i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone signed my nipple.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
