Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
