i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
