my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i out mim tonsoeep
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
