You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
