OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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