Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
how drunk are you?
Several
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize