When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
