you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
