So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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