Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
