I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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