Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize