Four minutes until I can fart!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
