meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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