Four minutes until I can fart!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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