Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found puke in my bra..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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