Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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