Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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